Pep and the death of the defensive midfielder

Mr Player is right, divorce is the only hope for Rory McIlroy

That might even go in … Rory McIlroy in happier times (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Not many 100 year olds would agree to pose naked and that’s just what Gary Player did when ESPN came knocking. So when the golf legend speaks people tend to listen, for fear he may drop his shorts to attract their attention.

Having re-established his credentials Mr Player then hopped to the front of the queue of experts offering free advice to bogey-loving golfer Rory McIlroy.

The speed at which the former world number 1 is sliding down the world rankings is about  20 on the stimp meter –  and Mr Player (who recently celebrated his 90th wedding anniversary at a Florida nudist colony) insisted that the Northern Irish protege follow his example and find a fine woman for a wife. The kind of woman who sacrifices all for her beloved man.

These are wise words, especially when you consider McIlroy’s racquet wielding love Caroline Wiozniacki  is on record saying while she has 5 years to make it big, her beau has at least 20. A clear indication that she prioritises her career over his.

The upside is that they can hide in their Monaco love nest whenever she bombs out of Grand Slams and Rory misses yet another cut. Only having to make a public appearance when  Caroline needs to punt her line of underwear, and Rory has to shoot another ad for Nike.

The only surprising thing for me is that Nike have not signed Caroline – unless they feel that paparazzi photos of the battling Rory associating with the Adidas-sponsored athlete is really bad news for their German rivals.

But getting back to Mr Player – I agree that the only hope for Rory lies in divorce. It is time to split from Nike and return to birdie-loving Titleist.

Tiki Taka is toast

No greater authority than Don Fabio Capello has declared Barcelona’s (and Spain’s) all conquering pin-ball football style is dead, its bloody corpse lying at the boots of the The Great Football Tactician who is constantly evolving, and this ruthless character has no sympathy for  romantic dreams of 100% possession football.

Fabio Capello dances on the grave of Spanish football (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The mediocre Swiss first showed the way under the guidance of sorcerer Ottmar Hitzfeld at World Cup 2010, when their “anti-football” secured a 1-0 win against the spellbound Spanish – their only defeat at the World Cup as none of the other teams bothered to study Hitzfeld’s tactics, believing it was a freak occurrence, or simply because they insisted their method was better (Holland anyone?).

There were plenty of warning signs along the way – including Mourinho and his working class Inter team dismantling Barcelona – before Spain got thumped by Brazil and Bayern Munich humiliated Barcelona.

Watching a system reliant on the lead footed defence of one Busquets – replays of the Bayern goals expose how many times he fails to get back into position, forgets to track runners into the box and simply wonders about the pitch, ambling after darting shadows. Biscuits looks fabulously in control against mediocre and startled opponents, but crumbles when facing players who counter at speed.

Now Pep has taken his methods to Germany where he is experimenting with replacing the impregnable combination of Eagle Schweinstiger and Falcon Martinez with the solo playmaking (and occasional interception) efforts of Barcelona butterfly Thiago. I smell a conspiracy theory – are Nike doing all they can to destroy their biggest rival by offering Pep and Thiago to Adidas sponsored Bayern Munich (anyone familiar with the ancient Greek story of the Trojan horse)?. Don’t be surprised in a few months if the mighty Roten are spotted sharing early morning drinks with Rory McIlroy, who Nike seduced with $100 000 000, disarmed him of his all conquering Titleist weapons and so neutered the only rival to their once all conquering Tiger.

Only time will tell if the studious Jurgen Klopp can resist similar Machiavellian machinations, or be duped into breaking apart the Gündogan and Bender partnership at Dortmund. If the mischievous Klopp stands strong, his team will continue their lightning strikes and Tiki Taka may well be toast

Football fans and managers compete for “craziest transfer of the year”

So it’s that time when football teams and fans compete for the coveted title of “craziest transfer of the year”.

David Villa, Barcelona’s best paid ballboy ever – so why so sad? (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Barcelona fans have had plenty to celebrate over recent seasons including excelling in the “craziest transfer of the year” category – just think of the Catalans handing Samuel Eto’o to Inter along with Bentley boot loads of Euros in exchange for a year of misery with Zlatan Ibrahimovic.

No surprise when Barca dumped the Swede and brought in national hero David Villa – but he got grumpy when Messi took all the penalties and free kicks and Villa’s role was reduced to handling throw-ins, but only on the left side of the field. Now Villa has moved on for 50 Euros and some change, and in comes Neymar. Without the option of boosting his goal tally through penalties and free-kicks the Brazilian wonderboy is going to find that scoring 20 goals a season more difficult than finding a Barcelona barber who knows any cut beside the mullet.

Real Madrid are going intergalactic in their pursuit of the streamlined Bale  and good on the Welsh wizard for spending some of his hard earned millions on ear work rather than yet another Bentley. His investment in sleeker, metrosexual Beckham looks has turned heads, including those of Real Madrid. Question is would he sell enough shirts to fans to justify the 100 million Euro price tag.

No doubt the sight of Bale and fellow speedster Ronaldo in full flight will scare the hell out of any defenders and when the duo collide at full pace the video clip will break all records on You Tube.

Who knows who will ultimately be named the “craziest transfer of the season”. We can only be sure of one thing – Manchester United are out of the running, because nobody wants to endure the rain and grey skies now that the red nosed gum chewing Scot has left the building. I will always have a fondness for Mr Ferguson, who mortgaged the Crown Jewels to sign Juan Sebastien Veron and etched his name in the “craziest transfer of all time” Hall of Fame

.